December 2011
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if i lived with my dad i’d be inseperable from my ratties. i love spending time all snuggled up together with them. they’re the best :)
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slept so well last night, fell asleep on the sofa when dad was still down here working. i do love my meds :)
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Bracken is such a crybaby. She squeaks at everything! She’s like a stroppy teenager telling you to get lost and leave her alone.
Anonymous asked: I don't know what to do anymore. I always feel like theres a black cloud hanging over my head, making me stressed and only able to see the negative side of everything. I don't look forward to the future, I just dread moving out and paying rent and having to go to work and grow up. I can't get a job, even a volunteering place declined me. I just want to be happy.
Snuffles has a limp :( I’m guessing it’s just because she was all humpy last night, got a bit too frisky and sprained it or something. Feeding her extra peas to strengthen her up.. She also seems to have a blue tale but I think thats because she has some green shreded paper thats got her all inky.
Anonymous asked: i dont mean this in a bad way at all but have you thought about volunteering or sometheing ? It might be good havng something to do during a day. because what do u do with yourself during the days?
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Getting fed up with BPD randomly making me feel like shit and cry all the time.
totally forgot to take my meds yesterday and had a major crying session at 3am :|
and i basically had bad luck all day.. but now having a duvet day with the rats and watching films :)
The only funny cracker joke all year,
Why don’t robots have brothers?
Because they have trans-sisters!
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stupidly anxious for no reason. feeling like being on my own.. well, that’s not true. just worried about feeling overwhelmed later when everyone is here and stressing out. i guess thats what alcohol is for though, but its red wine mostly and that gives me awful hangovers.
the rats have been awesome, making friends with dad and my sisters boyfriend :) They’ve both been spoilt today,...
Had two voicemails today from a withheld number and started thinking oh god, the mental health crew is doing some joint attempt at tracking me down and checking Im still sane. Turns out it was just Michelle saying she found her happy feet DVD the other day and knew I liked it so she’s dropped it over at home for me. I squeeled a bit at how awesome that is. When its xmas and hectic and...
Anonymous asked: what kinds of things do you see your gp for?
Sweeet, get a lift to my GP tomorrow morning thanks to dropping rather unsubtle hints to Michelle. Will get there early but hey, at least its better than walking first thing in the morning.
Also, briefly mention the ‘s’ word when my therapist called me the other night and she wrote it in my notes. So Michelle asked about that too.. and I was like.. um.. it’s bad but it’s...
maybe im getting old.. but chistmas music in supermarkets makes me feel murderous.
Clean sheets :)
Might have a hot water bottle too in a bit, ought to try to get to sleep at a proper time. And without taking too many sleeping pills. Otherwise I’ll end up without any and stay awake foreverrrr :/
Staying over at Dad’s tomorrow since I have the GP at 10:20 friday morning and his place is nearer.
Right now it’s going to be ratty playtime and attempted...
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Why do i reach out to ask for help, then not answer the phone when they call to talk to me? This means I’ll be seeing Michelle tomorrow, Sarah will phone and possibly Lisa too.
Anonymous asked: thats good ur therapist let you talk for that long. because arent dbt calls usually meant to be short. hope your feeling a bit better. xx
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3.9gb patch before i can play bf3? :(
I guess I better go borrow someone’s interenet…
Anonymous asked: How did your therapist suggest calls to you? My therapist has never made even a hint about phone calls.
it makes an interesting change having red puffy eyes instead of dead looking dark circles :/
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Ugh, 40 minutes on the phone to my therapist. I’m so awkward, crying without even knowing why. Talking about Christmas, how sometimes its better to be acting happy even if you’re not. Just to save you any extra grief from people. Telling her how I’m worried that right now is the start of a major low.. but then again I’m not sure because I don’t know what most people...
Emailed Lisa an hour or two ago, I’m guessing she won’t reply now since it’s 5pm. Which makes the whole thing kinda pointless.
Now I’m stuck deciding whether or not to get some wine :/
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Therapy was hard today. I started out not really wanting to say much. She was asking a lot about avoidance and the pros and cons of it. I ended up just saying how I get angry with myself for not being able to talk to her about stuff, and wanting to because it’s the only time I can but instead I’m stuck there with my brain refusing to think about anything that could be upsetting....
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Random question, how do you know how much is too much to put in a washing machine? I’m talking about the ones with doors on the side btw. And what happens if I have overloaded it?
thoughts
* so about 20 missed calls later and yes i am a dick. i shouldn’t be like this and i can’t even explain why. but im sorry.
* people say the world doesn’t revolve around you but surely my world does. just like it is for everyone. otherwise i might aswell have no control over anything i do.
* the longer you go without something the less you need it. as far as i can think about...
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I love having my ratties hanging out with me. It’s like we’re a little family and we all take care of each other :)
Anonymous asked: Are you glad you moved out or do you regret having to share with other people?
Ugh, having to listen to christmas music makes me want to kill myself. I’m trying to avoid everything christmas for as long as possible but i know its not going to work. I’m not looking forward to that moment when ‘shit its christmas again and im still a complete fuck up’ comes along. But hey, considering the last few day, its probably already started. At least I’m...
I got a bunch of pot noodle and muller corners yesterday. Anyone would say that’s unhealthy but my therapist is probably gonna be glad about it. Better I eat them than not eat at all. Strange how things like that turn out.